..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
