I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
