Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
