i can't believe i had my finger in that
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Still dying that you shit outside
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
