she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
