you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
is that a dick in a sweater?
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
why is half of my head shaved?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
