quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
