just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
