I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
