You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
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