apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
