Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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