Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
