So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Randomize
