weddingsv make me drug and hornr
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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