Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
