don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
