When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
