he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
