i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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