**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
