i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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