Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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