How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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