how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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