He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
