Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
