Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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