Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
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