How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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