dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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