I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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