I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize