Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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