you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
