He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
