im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
