i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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