I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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