South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
