I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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