tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
