Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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