I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
