When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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