Just cropdusted the office
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
