I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Did you read the article making fun of the right wing extremists? How they organized this 'tea party', and to propagate it they would mail teabags to their senators? And it became a verb...they had posters saying 'teabag obama!' yeah...
A message to Mrs Obama perhaps?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
