omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
