Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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