that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
