Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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