I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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