I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
