the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
The power of my boobs compel you
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
