I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
