I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
