Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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