so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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