Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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