I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
