party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
My dick has a subreddit
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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