Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My balls are so social today.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
