i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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